January 09, 2016

A blink of an eye, back to square one.

So it's 2016.not much has changed. Just need to use this space to document some ramblings for a bit. I am a Sagittarius. One who craves adventure. It is the zodiac sign of a philosopher and explorer. Freedom and travel, that's what I live for. I am also a dealer by profession.A job that requires me to sit at a desk facing several flashing monitors for an average of 10 hours a day, 5days a week, and often times with nary the time for a proper lunch break. Herein lies the crux of my problem... The instinct to run away is strong and it takes a tremendous amount of will power to control that everyday. Yet despite this contradiction, I've been at this for a decade. How do I calm the relentless restlessness? I do what the majority does. I rationalize. That I need the paycheque to fund my exotic holidays. Where I finally go to let the spirit soar, if only for a week or two. It helps that my love for diving has taken me to many amazing places. Some of my fondest memories are of places not many have had the privilege or inkling to travel to. "Collect experiences, not things" I like pretty things now and again but give me a fabulous travel experience any day. Like the saying goes "any day is better than a day at the office!" Fill in the blank with choice words like ...traveling...diving...spa-ing...you get my drift.. I think I just got struck by a bout of mid life crisis. Some people buy fast cars and flashy gems, I on the other hand choose to dye my hair in streaks of purple and blue. It sort of feels like very delayed teenage angst, wanting to start a kind of hunger games type silent rebellion. It's definitely a pushback against the suppressive environment in the office. What else could I be doing? I gotta examine The qualities I have and what I am relatively good at? Writing? Check...write my 1st novel and be wildly successful like jkrowling? Gosh that would be so darn awesome! As awesome as if rainbow shitting unicorns were real. Dry wit? Check...helps me get through the rough patches, but don't see how this is gonna make me a millionaire. A plan? Nada.... Ok Back to the drawing board... Despite my frequent flights of fantasy, the high functioning part of me is good at my job. Unfortunately with any type of work, You just can't do your job in a silo. There's politics, rules of decorum to follow, issues and people to handle...or is there? Ca I really just heck it all and yet still survive in the corporate world? Hmmm..I've succeeded so far, so I'll take it a day at a time.ive got to keep my dreamscape alive! I've got the year's vacation plans mapped out, to the astonishment of my colleagues. So many places to go, so little time! Someone asked me where else do I want to visit since I've been to many places already. OMG...what kind of a question is that? How big is the world? The bucket list will only keep growing longer... I am also an introvert.i read that it's not so much that introverts withdraw from external stimulation but rather we have so much going on in our heads that we need to be alone to process all of it. Besides I get tired of explaining why I don't/can't drink. I reckon some conversations are more interesting when the social lubricant is liberally sloshed around but nah.. I'd much rather have coffee with my pals anytime. Is that another contradiction? Or just another facet of my personality and boy do I have a personality! Ha. Resting bitch face aside, I think I'm getting better with age. I am more assured of my opinions and decisions. (I.e. I don't give a flying ass kick what the non essentials in my life think)

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