January 09, 2016

A blink of an eye, back to square one.

So it's 2016.not much has changed. Just need to use this space to document some ramblings for a bit. I am a Sagittarius. One who craves adventure. It is the zodiac sign of a philosopher and explorer. Freedom and travel, that's what I live for. I am also a dealer by profession.A job that requires me to sit at a desk facing several flashing monitors for an average of 10 hours a day, 5days a week, and often times with nary the time for a proper lunch break. Herein lies the crux of my problem... The instinct to run away is strong and it takes a tremendous amount of will power to control that everyday. Yet despite this contradiction, I've been at this for a decade. How do I calm the relentless restlessness? I do what the majority does. I rationalize. That I need the paycheque to fund my exotic holidays. Where I finally go to let the spirit soar, if only for a week or two. It helps that my love for diving has taken me to many amazing places. Some of my fondest memories are of places not many have had the privilege or inkling to travel to. "Collect experiences, not things" I like pretty things now and again but give me a fabulous travel experience any day. Like the saying goes "any day is better than a day at the office!" Fill in the blank with choice words like ...traveling...diving...spa-ing...you get my drift.. I think I just got struck by a bout of mid life crisis. Some people buy fast cars and flashy gems, I on the other hand choose to dye my hair in streaks of purple and blue. It sort of feels like very delayed teenage angst, wanting to start a kind of hunger games type silent rebellion. It's definitely a pushback against the suppressive environment in the office. What else could I be doing? I gotta examine The qualities I have and what I am relatively good at? Writing? Check...write my 1st novel and be wildly successful like jkrowling? Gosh that would be so darn awesome! As awesome as if rainbow shitting unicorns were real. Dry wit? Check...helps me get through the rough patches, but don't see how this is gonna make me a millionaire. A plan? Nada.... Ok Back to the drawing board... Despite my frequent flights of fantasy, the high functioning part of me is good at my job. Unfortunately with any type of work, You just can't do your job in a silo. There's politics, rules of decorum to follow, issues and people to handle...or is there? Ca I really just heck it all and yet still survive in the corporate world? Hmmm..I've succeeded so far, so I'll take it a day at a time.ive got to keep my dreamscape alive! I've got the year's vacation plans mapped out, to the astonishment of my colleagues. So many places to go, so little time! Someone asked me where else do I want to visit since I've been to many places already. OMG...what kind of a question is that? How big is the world? The bucket list will only keep growing longer... I am also an introvert.i read that it's not so much that introverts withdraw from external stimulation but rather we have so much going on in our heads that we need to be alone to process all of it. Besides I get tired of explaining why I don't/can't drink. I reckon some conversations are more interesting when the social lubricant is liberally sloshed around but nah.. I'd much rather have coffee with my pals anytime. Is that another contradiction? Or just another facet of my personality and boy do I have a personality! Ha. Resting bitch face aside, I think I'm getting better with age. I am more assured of my opinions and decisions. (I.e. I don't give a flying ass kick what the non essentials in my life think)

November 17, 2013


I've often been asked. Why do you like diving so much. Is it the sense of freedom you get? Is it really very beautiful under the waves? Well...yes and yes but beyond that, I think I finally know how to begin to explain it, thanks to a bolt of inspiration from something I read. The word is limerence, the feeling you get when your inner and outer world meshes and you get the sense of perfect alignment,when everything is in harmony and feels just right. These moments are often fleeting, some people get it at the top of a freezing mountain having hiked a gazillion miles, others at some point during an arduous ultra human race, yet others jump off cliffs or planes not just for the adrenaline rush. On a dive. After dealing with the cumbersome equipment (oh how I wish I had some of them gillyweed) and splashing about abit,you get down under to a different place. A silent world, where you are suddenly conscious of your own breathing, your heartbeat, the sound of the bubbles you are making. Where to move fast, you've actually gotta go slow. Where the office, your troubles all seem so foreign and literally miles away. Where you are just one with nature and yet merely an observer of the beauty around you. It's almost a (religious?)meditative experience. Admiring the handiwork of God, of nature, observing the cycle of life that is going on around you. Your senses are alive and there are no words, no mindless chatter, no beeping electronic device to get your attention on some utterly useless piece of info. It's rather blissful. I think partly that's what bucket lists are about. Besides being there and checking stuff off. It's the sense of just 'being' that we seek. Of standing in awe before the majesty of creation. Of feeling so small but your heart feels so full like it's gonna burst. Of that one fleeting moment when you know there's gotta be more to this earthly life and yet you are just where you are supposed to be...

May 29, 2012

Ultimate adventure

I sometimes think about our mortality...i wonder how i'll face it...i can only pray that when the time comes,i'll be ready to go on that adventure of the soul without fear...

December 09, 2011

I want it all

It's my birthday today,I woke up feeling aches n pains, must've been the result of a combination of super abs pilates workout yesterday and way too soft pillows that provided zero support. But yes, the aches remind me that I am very much alive, alive in this earthly body.   On this day as I am lost in my thoughts in a corner of the resort pool (I think better in water, must be the diver in me?) I realize I have lots to be grateful for:
For good friends
For family
For being born in the increasingly crowded and congested sg
For having the luxury of working for my next holiday
For being able to turn a head or two once in a while (and yes it's been a very long while)

The question that begs a good answer though, is, what can I do that is more fulfilling and meaningful? There are few things I am interested in, work with dogs? Work as a pseudo dive travel agent n get myself free trips to explore exotic locales? Be a wildly successful author? ;)   Ahhhh it all sounds so good but also so idealistic in my-oh-so-logical-mind. My life is now on a low volatility track, very stable,very serene,very oh-how-do-I-put-it? Boring? Non exciting? Feel like something is lacking? It's all very catch-22. I want it more entertaining but I don't want to give up the stability. I want it to be more rewarding. I want it all and then some.

January 16, 2010

*cough cough*

now...ok...this is the 3rd wkend now in 2010 that i'm spending recovering from sickness or tiredness....
Kena a bout of food poisoning, then changed jobs, trying to adapt to new environment so body stressed up and tired so probably immunity low ...then papers say there's a nasty flu virus going around, so of course i kena again...so now recovering...hiaz...

hope this means rest of the year will be healthy n well...amen..

December 24, 2009

Merry X'mas 2009!

It's been a looong time since I last blogged.

My 2009 seemed to have all happened in the last six months.

I was privileged enough to do a mini tour-de-asia, visiting:
--Beijing in June (walked part of the Great Wall and touched the walls of the forbidden city)
--Bali in June(villa sankara it a
was not, think it was villa mari dade?)
--Mount Kinabalu in July (very proud of myself that I didn't pass out from the effort, now this can be checked of my list of 'been there, done that, don't think I'll do it again!)
--Kaleebso in August (our annual tioman dive/eat/sleep mecca)
--malacca pig out trip in oct (satay celup!)
--Hanoi in November (traffic is scary! water puppet show is a must see for visitors..hee hee)
--Lombok in December (beautiful plc, maybe 20yrs behind bali so have to be patient with their mana ada system? ways)

Looking forward as always to more fabulous trips in the year ahead...
starting with Mauritius in Feb =)
now how do I tell my new boss i need to take leave...hmmm......

April 19, 2009

vigilante justice?

here i was minding my own biz...on a hot and humid sun afternn.....my neighbour screaming at the kid over some homework issue....
2hours later she was still at it...even me talking to C on the phone, C can hear la.......the poor kid whimpering in fear....made me and mama pea feel super uneasy...this is outright abuse lor....and not the 1st time we've heard her at it.......we went to the neighbour's door...but it was closed n we figured maybe this was not the best idea...don't want to kena blue black for being kaypoh....so went home n came up with what we hope is a better and wiser alternative.

typed up a short n sharp letter and went to slide it under the neighbour's door. Mama pea thot i shld ring doorbell then run..but i didn't think it was necessary to behave like we were doing something wrong.

reproduced here for posterity...
Dear Mdm of unit #XX,

We can’t help but overhear your scolding of your child for the last 2-3hrs. We realize that you are trying to coach the child in homework. We can also hear your child’s whimpering and crying.

We would like to just appeal to you to calm down and give the child some breathing space. No child that is so scared and terrified would be able to absorb what you are trying to teach.

A suggestion perhaps is to hire a tutor who would be able to guide the child in a more neutral and constructive way. Sometimes it’s hardest to listen to people who are closest to us.

We are not trying to be busybody and have considered knocking on your door to speak with you however we are not sure how you would react and would prefer this method as it is less confrontational. It is not our business how you discipline your child, we just want to gently bring to your attention that perhaps there are more effective and less painful ways for your child.
yours sincerely
your concerned neighbour

I hope we did the right thing, the screaming and scolding stopped after about 15mins.....then it was quiet.......just hope the child didn't/won't kena whack even more or something.....
i figure as the lady reading the letter, she will react in one of two possible ways....get even angrier and try to find out which kaypoh neighbour it is......or hopefully feel embarrassed enough to calm down and reassess the situation...

quite a exciting sunday at home i must say...must go speak w my cousin later..she's in social work...she'll be able to provide better insights into these matters....


it's interesting this brain of ours....
i dreamt of walking next to a rather good looking dude through wide doors to enter a cool lobby that has this copper gong along the side wall. I woke up with a pleasant feeling...

a quick google search later and i'm quite happy with my own interpretation..:)

i think i should sleep more.....this is rather illuminating...haha...